Asan ka ba?

I wonder. What is true love? What if your special someone suddenly begins to be distant. Nowhere to be seen in the picture at the times you need the most? You call for him/her several times but no. You get no answer. You call him so many times but his cell phone is always off. You like him so much but you don’t know WHY he’s doing this?? And you feel the pain of abandonment. Ang sakit sakit.. And you’re alone in your pain, with no comfort. You’re falling into depression and despair and it seems you’re your love for him slowly shifts to anger and resentment. Challenge is, will you still be able to love him? I know it’s difficult. I guess most of you felt the same way too, even with our friends, and with Jess.


I bet you often hear these lines in the movies, “Nasaan ka nung kailangan kita? Walang Diyos dahil hindi Niya ako mahal!” Where is Jess anyway? When the world is falling down on me, why did you go away from me? Bakit mo hinayaan maging ganito ang buhay ko!!!???? It’s painful. And sometimes you feel like Jess abandons you. And slowly you feel that you’re losing hope and you became angry at Him. SO angry that you curse Him and throw at Him every blame that you can think of. Yet the question remains, why Jess? Why did you leave me at the time that I was really down? Where has your promise gone?


Actually you kaingeros are not alone. Believe it or not, I felt the same way too before. I felt angry at God for making me feel so sad. I felt angry that I hated all the people around me for making me feel down. And I see people as bad people. I was negative. I was MAD!


But Jess never fails to fulfill His promise. Jess said that He will always be by our side. However, He did not promise that He will always let us “feel” that He is with us. He may seem absent but He’s there! Actually this spiritual dryness is not because He wants to punish you or what. He does not want to make you feel sad. He wants to test your faith. It is one of the greatest tests Jess can give you. To love Him and praise Him despite pain, feeling of despair. Kahit minsan, hindi mo alam kung bakit mo ito ginagawa, kung nasaan nga ba ang Diyos, pero maniniwala ka pa rin sa Kanya. Iyon ang tunay na pananalig.


Believe it or not, God sometimes really does not make His presence felt to really test or faith. But His promise remains, that until eternity, He will always be with us. Problem with people is lagi nilang dinedepende sa emosyon. It does not mean that when we have that feeling of God, that we already have faith. It’s not that way. God looks more on our faith rather than to our feeling. Sometimes we get “high” on certain melodies, but it does not equal faith. Jess wants us to trust Him completely, even at the absence of that high feeling. It is the highest form of worship we could ever think of.


But still, mahirap.. pano ko gagawin iyon? How do I force myself to love someone who feels so far away? Well, God encourages you to be open to Him. Tell Him all you anger, you pain. Tell them all to Jess! He will listen for sure. But don’t expect that you’ll feel Him. It’s a common mistake. Remember, not feeling but faith is what matters. If you are mad at God, tell Him that you’re so angry! Tell Him all the questions that are bothering you. Tell it all directly to Him and don’t just release your anger through nights in clubs or drinking sessions. It won’t help at all. Jess wants you to be honest with Him because the greatest hindrance you can encounter in this period of spiritual dryness is bitterness for God. God does not want you to pile up your anger for Him. God wants you to release them and vent it out to Him. He can handle it, take my word for it. All He wants is your honesty. Just like in a relationship, when you’re angry at your special someone, you have to tell it to him before matters get worse. And believe it or not, by telling God how you feel, you’ll soon realize the answers by constantly asking questions to God. Through constant conversation with Him, you’ll see. Si Jess pa, mahilig Siya magsurprise eh!


But if you still have a difficult time to think Bakit ko gagawin iyon? Hindi ko pa rin makayanan gawin iyon. Masyado ako nagtampo sa kanya? Just think of it this way. Think of what God did for you. We as worthless beings, filled with sin, yet God still gave us everything, even the death of Jess. Oo na alam kop na iyon! Lagi ko naman naririnig yan sa theo o sa CLE classes eh! But sometimes, yes, you always hear that in school blab la bla.. but you don’t realize the fact that hello? Nagpakamatay Siya para sa iyo. Hindi pa ba sapat iyon? EH kung magpakamatay ang minamahal mo para sa iyo? Won’t you feel that He is also worth loving? He died for us so that we may live. He created us in spite of sin. He loved us despite our imperfections. Diba sa pag-ibig, ang gusto natin ay ang mga taong tumatanggap sa atin, kesyo mataba tayo o bungi, puro pimple o puting buhok.. pero si Jess minahal Niya tayo kahit gaano man kapangit ang ugali natin o anyo. God loved us SO much!!!! And if sometimes, you don’t feel Him and you think, why do I still have to love Him when He seems absent? Just get a nail, try to push it against the palm of you hand. And you’ll feel the pain Jess greatly felt just for you. All for you! And to think that it’s only a negligible amount of pain compared to what Jess encountered. Oh the horror of that pain! Just come to think of it. Now, “how can I stay focused on God’s presence, especially when He feels distant?”

“For God has said, I will never leave you, I will never abandon you.”--Hebrews 13:5

Thanks to the Purpose Driven Life Book! J