The Joy of free will and life itself

When I knew about Jesus personally, I feel ecstatic everyday having His presence with me every time. Although I falter still, feeling some loneliness inside, I just rely and depend on Jesus to take it all away and be reminded of how precious I am to Him.  I am thankful of all the things that I am reminded of Jesus and how much I am loved.

Sometimes though when you feel like you’re falling off from that high feeling, I feel like sometimes I don’t want to be on my own anymore. Like you feel if you do things yourself, you might f*ck things up again and make mistakes. I mean, I just want to follow Him and do whatever He says. Then at times although I don’t hear a prompting of the Spirit, only then did I realize the value of my free will. It doesn’t mean I don’t have God with me but he gave me the gift of free will to do what I want to do in my life. Part of his gift is also giving us common sense. Just like yesterday, although I feel sometimes I want to be 100 percent of the time doing “Christian” stuff, I am reminded that God gave me the free will to choose what I want to do. So yesterday, I just went window shopping and I know that even just by being myself, God delights in me. He enjoys seeing me enjoying life as it is. It’s a matter of doing everything with the mind of doing it for Him as a way of worship. Then, our everyday lives become more peaceful, joyful and actually has more meaning. As much as God can control everything, I am thankful that He gave me the gift of free will and at the same time, He is still there to be the Lamp upon our feet to guide us every step of the way. We are still accountable to what we do with our lives but we have a great God to help us through. It helps to be reminded that although we are in this world, we are not of this world. Ultimately, God wants a relationship with us whereby we freely choose Him and that the very life we have is given to us by grace for us to enjoy it.

A working traveller

Which country am I in again? Sometimes I encounter this dumb question presented to myself by myself and for myself.

I’ve been working for 2 months in Singapore already and even though at times I can feel like I’m very used to it, it never fails that I experience something new to remind me that I’m still somehow a tourist in this place. This keeps me interested in my work because even if my work is just admin, I feel like my work is just a way for me to provide for my needs but I’m still a traveller who is in a foreign land.

In this note, I would like to admit to myself that I am not in Singapore to work although I am working in Singapore. It’s not a front either to escape something. I am actually seeking my vocation in life so while I’m in this long soul searching , (at sosyal dahil abroad ko pa gagawin), I need a job so I can pay for bills and cover expenses but honestly, my work is a requirement. It is not my mission anymore. My goal in Singapore is to find myself, be clear of what I want to be, far away from everything, far away from distractions so I can think.

Singapore is my chance to learn a lot. As much as people get bored in their jobs even abroad, I somehow get to search for things that interest me in my day to day activities, which is learning Mandarin. So whenever I feel bored, I just remind myself of the several things I am yet to learn and then it excites me. I don’t intend to be the best admin or the best employee but those would be great but just bonuses. But if I get to master my native tongue which I was supposed to practice when I was young, then I feel like I’ve accomplished a life goal.

Another aspect is also to be exposed to different cultures. Now I have friends (although a few) who are Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Chinese, Singaporean and Indian. This is also an accomplished life goal.

Being independent is a given. Life goal accomplished as well.

Inflencing others? On my way through public speaking. I didn’t intend to influence people in Singapore. It’s just that it happened to be that I am here.

Today I just came home from our company dinner. It helped us get out from our usual office atmosphere and it reminded me of how much more I am yet to discover—about my colleagues, fellowship, and places in Singapore. We went to this place I never knew about and I felt like I'm a tourist once again. And I realize, “hey, I am a tourist that has a job”. Getting a work pass doesn’t mean I am a mere worker. I am still a foreigner who is bound to have new experiences and our jobs are just our medium to get by, right? J I don’t intend to go to the tourist spots though (and I haven’t been to Sentosa) but I want to be a visitor among the locals. That way, it keeps me alive every single day. Again, I am a visitor who has a job in Singapore. I am not a worker in Singapore. Those are two different things.

To be honest, somehow I feel like I’m born here already, not because I’m so used to Singapore but because I just have the tendency to forget my past and have this “just born yesterday” feeling. Somehow I forget I am not in a particular foreign land. I don’t think I am in Singapore. I don’t think I’m in a specific place. I just know that I am in a place where I’m familiar whether it is in “Singapore” or “Philippines”. I am not in a specific country. I am here at the present, where my feet stand, where my lungs breathe and where my dreams start being realized. I feel at home in the sense that I am at the present and I am in control. The Philippines of course is a different kind of home because your loved ones are there.  Here and now, I define it home because I am actively present here. Sometimes we can be in a place but we are not present, mentally and spiritually. I am here and I am home and it just happens to be Singapore.

I thank God for giving me all these opportunities and never failing to give me with so much more. I’ve been so blessed in many ways imaginable and I feel so loved by people who surround me. I’m always guarded wherever I go, keeping me safe, providing for my needs. I know that there is so much more to learn, so much more to practice and so much more to do. It’s always a long stretch ahead but a least I’ve started with my first steps.

Hey, I’m turning 26 and yes I’m old. But I just keep moving forward, strolling joyfully with Lord. I’ve never been so happier, peaceful and overflowing with joy. 

Where is wisdom?

What makes a man intelligent? For most of us, when we were still young, intelligence is based on grades, on numbers, on IQ. It somehow defines us and our esteem back then. But as we grow older, we realize that intelligence is usually associated with wisdom. But for me, intelligence sometimes is confined to particular situations, like what happened and how you attacked a problem and solved it. But wisdom is different. Wisdom is brought about by a series of life changing experiences, a series of ups and downs, successes and failures. It is not tied to a particular situation or incident. A person may have done an intelligent decision but he is not necessarily wise. An wise person may not have always the intelligent answers but a wise man knows how to look for them while acknowledging his lack of knowledge. A wise man can not be matched with a big brain or a high IQ. It is the compilation of life lessons that teach him how to act and decide.

There are times when I’m being attacked as unintelligent. Yet I admit I’m not at the top of my batch. People would label me as slow, or maybe I’m ignorant in things but give me chances to learn and I’ll learn them. Give me chances to let you see that I can also do the things you do. I may not be born intelligent but I can learn. I just need people to believe I can. This has taught me to be wise. While people keep aiming at my intelligence, I try to strengthen my other aspects such as my motivation, determination and faith that I will get by. No, I will not just get by, I will allow myself to learn and undergo. My motto in life has always been, “Everything will pay off in the end”.

Somehow I usually think I am measured by my salary, my position, my fame. But not all of us can be exactly the same right? If all of us were managers, then how will the world go round? We need different roles. I just have a different role to play. Being wise in this aspect doesn’t mean I can be the most intelligent person. I am just more aware of my capabilities and what I cant do to help me best decide on a situation. I know I still am not the smartest or the most knowledgeable, but then again, we can all try to get a little better than yesterday. In every way we can, then we learn. As long as we commit to making an effort, we are already winning against our own selves.

It is never a matter of how good are you in a particular aspect. It’s always about who has the right attitude. Moving forward is not about having the best position. As the word implies, moving forward means, you have to go a distance from point A to point B. You don’t have to start in a high rung. As long as you’re moving forward, you’re on the right track. So keep it up and good luck. Wisdom will come along the way.

Positivity is power

I am the woman who is about to change your life.

By first impression, I look meek, the quiet girl in the corner. I’m easily forgettable. People rarely remember my name but give me a few chances to be involved in your life, and I’ll be the woman you’ll never forget.

You might think I’m such a genius to be able to say these things, or a prophet or a scientist, or a business tycoon. Well to disappoint all of you, I am not. I am a simple person, anonymous yet full of positivity and idealism in life.

To give you my definition of positivity, it means that to be positive is not just to see and think that everything is good, beautiful and has a purpose. My definition of positivity is seeing the good and beautiful despite the chaos and cruelty this world presents. By staying positive, I don’t just let any mishap or disappointments rub me off my happiness. Truth is, positivity is key to being happy and that’s how I am. Positive and happy.

Staying positive also draws people. Let me ask you a question. If given the chance to spend some time with a positive person and a negative person, who would you choose? Just imagine listening to all the complaints, rants and pessimism the negative person brings. Who would want to be with that? Now imagine spending quality conversations with someone who shares uplifting insights, inspiring words and encouragement, wouldn’t it be nice and mentally refreshing? Now as you see, between a negative and a positive person, people are drawn towards the positive minded people. They say, Stay away from people who suck your happiness out of you. Instead, be among people who would motivate you to improve yourself. That’s the power of positivity. It is a magnet that draws people and transforms others as well.

There was a time when I was the exact opposite, when I was Ms Negativity. I would always complain about how tired I was at work, how I’m stuck with my job and just really had a bad childhood. Tell you what, I just grew grumpier every day and people were just fed up about me saying the same old rants and just grew tired listening to me. But when my turning point came, you can never see me complain (well, not as much), you can always see me bright and smiling and saying words of gratitude and encouragement. One by one, people came to me. Some would ask me what’s my secret and people would sometimes envy why I’m always happy while they’re not. People were sending me messages of compliment in return and telling me how I inspire them a lot and proud of me. The best part is when my positivity became my power that I am able not to just transform my own life but others as well. People ask me for help and I cheerfully extend it to them. I have been a living testament that positivity is powerful.

I would like to share with you a saying from Mahatma Gandhi. He says,

 “Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behaviour. Keep your behaviour positive because your behaviour becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”

So how do we stay positive? Unfortunately, there’s no formula to it. You just got to do it. You are the only one who can help yourself.  Think of ways. Maybe some inspirational notes would help, or having a friend keep track of your goals or remind yourself of all the things to be thankful for each day. It’s always a constant conscious decision to be for or against happiness. Who says positivity is easy? Nothing comes easy in this world. Every man shall toil and reap his fruit but between a negative person and a positive person who live in the same world as we all do, it’s better to be happy right?

 So now I call upon all of you. Do you want to transform your life? Then I dare you to follow me.

"Promotion"

I just got my “semi-promotion” in a span of a month. Ever since I entered this company, I have already been so thankful for presenting me this opportunity to get a job. Even if I got the lowest of ranks, placed as Admin asst, I have never complained. I’m not the picky type too. I enjoy servicing people no matter how much manual labor it needs or how simple they are from photocopying, to binding, to ordering food, to scanning to stapling. I have forever been grateful primary because of the trust that was given to me by the bosses.

Now that I’m being given the opportunity to explore another department, I immediately said yes in my heart although I maxed out the deliberation time given to me. It would entail a lot of sacrifices too. First of all, I would have to sacrifice my weekends and holidays and would be on call, depends on my product. This means I might have to skip my public speaking classes, basketball shoot outs, cancel meet-ups and lack sleep. Also, I might not be able to cook anymore. I also need to buy a mobile plan already. I would also be based outdoors so even if sweating is not a great idea, I’d still give it a try.

Why?

Basically, why am I in Singapore anyway if I do not learn or grow? I need to go beyond my comfort zones to maximize my stay. Even if the pay is the same for a more difficult job, I’d take it. I am a frustrated medical person as well. I really want to learn more about health and medical stuff anyway.

I also prayed for knowledge. I think this is the answer. Sometimes when you encounter something, you gotta remember what you prayed for. Again, be careful what you wish for. I just know that this is for me. If I don’t give it a try, how would I know if it would work for me right?

You know what cringes me though? I’ll be encountering cadavers and blood. OMG.

So Help me God.