hello blog.

It's been a while. School started last monday and i don't feel good about it. Bah. It's boring. majors are boring.

a lot of things happened though.

my great grandma just passed away. Im wondering why im not that affected though. Maybe because i havent spent a lot of time with her because she's in China.

i also found out that it's not only me that has this doubt regarding ____. My friend1 also feels the same way and i was really surprised.

i was afraid for my friend2. Im glad friend2 is okay.

My sister kept on making me feel guilty abotu not joining JTA. Well yeah. i had unreasonable reasons.

She gave me the eye-opener and only reiterated my saying that i must really love what i hate if i want to make things happen.

for some reason, i am ironic.

i just believe that crying does not mean you are weak. You just show your emotions but it doesnt mean you give up. Yes you were sad but you dont pity on yourself. You just cry because that's how you felt. ANd it does not mean you will not do anything about it. actually i think crying means admitting that you were wrong. Well in my case, yes.

that's how my sister made me feel a while ago. and seriously, i never felt better. im glad.

You know what, it realy makes me happy when i feel pain. Kablam!!!

ive realized:
- this world will forever be unfair, even in the simplest things. the mere fact that you got the smaller part of the chicken. those things.
- people will always do things to their benefit. even lovers do. They love the person because the other makes him/her feel good.
- sometimes giving up is not bad. There are times when you just have to give up because you're just wasting time if you know that it will never work out. Hello? You can't force something you're not. It's just a fantasy.
- Weakness is strength. That's why i believe that tough guys do cry and weak guys don't.
- Strength is also a weakness. It is only when you're ready to show your flaws that you are strong.
- Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride whole. not in parts.
- Fears will waste your time. You just have to do the bahal na attitude and come what may. Just push yourself to something you hate and maybe it'll turn out fine. As my mom says, basta magugulat ka nalang.
- Money can not buy everything but it sure does make the world go round.
- Poverty will always be there. You can't do anything abou tit. You can't erase it but you can make a difference to a few. that's for sure.
- Perseverance sometimes does not guarantee anything. Sometimes, it's the gift. So don't push yourself on something you're just wishing for if you know that it is not for you. Besides, maybe it's not what you want after all, maybe that's what "you want because that's the one 'acceptable' for you" check on your ego, my friend. Find your own gift.
- Talents are not just limited on singing dacing and acting. It is as simple as being able to make me laugh. I don't laugh easily believe me. Im hard to be entertained by the usual comedy.
- I hate routine. even with people. I get tired with people and so i belive that in everything, ther must always be breaks in between.
- i am not an angel. i am not a devil either. I am a mixture and in some cases, i can be extremes but i still limit my actions.
- movies where one man saves the whole world is nothing. No person can ever do that. No matter how rich or influential you are. You can never please everyone.
- sometimes, you just have to give in to the world in order to survive. even if you hate it or it violates your rights. If that's waht they want, you give it to them. Besides, maybe giving in a little bit can even let you go to different places and there, do your masterplan.
- im not pessimistic. im not optimistic. im not realistic. Im nothing. what ive said are just my realizations in my opinion. I just want to note that, you can;t really dream high even if it's for free. Don't aim high all the time because it only makes you feel worse if you know you can never achieve it. The higher you get, the more impact on falling down.

well, for me, life is like this at the moment.