Reviving my blog

It’s been years since I last wrote in full content in this blog. I actually don’t know what to write since I don’t have a particular field that I specialize in. I just want to express even when no one reads this. This is a safe medium since blogspot has long been idle. I’ll probably try writing but first, I must read to feed my knowledge.

I’ve been reading Mitch Albom’s For One More Day. It’s a story about a guy who practically had his life ruined and finds comfort or renewed spirit in his dead mother’s love. I actually am not finished with the book yet. But as I was reading through the pages, I can actually feel the frustration of the narrator. I don’t know why. Maybe because I just came from a personal problem. I felt like I got so detached from the world too for 5 and a half years. When the narrator details the times her mom stood up for her but he didn’t, I felt like I was the mother. After 5 and a half years, I felt like after fighting so hard, someone didn’t stand up for me. But that’s how it goes. You understand. You become patient. You forgive and you let go.

For one, I have this tendency to really stand up for people if I know they’re oppressed in any way. I stand up for my loved ones and my friends even at my expense at times. I remember in college, standing up for a friend in front of our teacher. My friend thanked me for that. Going against everyone is hard but I just can’t contain seeing people bullied or abused. In my own experience, I stood up for someone not because he is bullied I guess, but because I just loved. When you love someone, you’d do anything for hijm/her. When you love someone, you forget yourself just so the other can be happy. I think it is both a curse and a gift. Im so selfless and Im not saying this to praise myself. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I thank God He made me this way.

When I evaluate myself what my talents are, I usually can’t align them with the usual “talents” people have like singing, dancing or drawing. What I really think is that my talent or my gift is the huge heart God gave me. I can’t describe it though or define it in a word or phrase. But sometimes when I talk to God, I just burst into tears of joy, thanking Him how beautifully broken I was yet I had the heart to heal, be healed and accept. I never blamed God for whatever bad thing that happened to me. I just trust God that He knows best. Perfect timing. Perfect everything.

I entrust everything to God now. It’s been an early shock for 2012 but I’m getting better every day. As much as I want to try new experiences, I’m still very cautious. I’m having my early signs of coping but with disappointments still. But I ain’t giving up. I have to win over myself. Lord, let my scars turn into stars. Whatever I do, I lift everything up to You. Grant me a clear vision and an undivided heart. Let I find the right path and man for me.

Don’t worry friends, I am A-OK. J I just wanted to write but I didn’t have any topic in mind haha. This isnt meant to bash anyone. Hopefully my next entries will have more sense or of useful information.