Back to Ateneo

I was quite groggy still and kind of hesitant to get out of my bed probably due to the San Mig Dry I drank yesterday. I woke up not thinking straight but today was paneling day and I'm still excited just because I can visit Ateneo again for a lot of personal reasons. 

Panel was okay. I can't find a better word to describe. But definitely not interesting but not boring either. It was challenging for me to panel for industries I'm totally unfamiliar with-- chocolates and e-learning. But as I said, panel went well. I don't grill students. I just ask whenever I get curious about something or if there's inconsistency in the report. I actually want to listen more to fresh new ideas than to critique. 

After the class, Mr Sabug, Stan and I went to lunch at the caf. There are so many choices which I haven't browsed all. We chatted a bit and then parted ways. 

Knowing no one, I went around under the sun (coz I got embarrassed I was the only one carrying an umbrella), bought an ice cream and became idle at Colayco. Oh, I saw Isa too and we chatted if we had new modeling agencies to handle us. But anyway, so there I was, reminiscing and looking at college students. They're so young, still unaware of the real world. While me, going back to Ateneo, going back where I used to be gave me comfort. I wanted to be carefree too, away from responsibilities adulthood presents. But I can't always pretend I'm still in college.

I saw Kirk and Ken and met up with them. Went to the bookstore and I bought my first GetBlued merchandise to show support! I got the new arrival and most expensive one haha. Now I own a pogi jacket. It's nice. Well, it's pogi :)

Right now I'm sitting on one of the benches of Kostka (I had to look at the bldg name still coz I totally forgot). I hope to bump into someone I know. Ateneo has been a campus of strangers to me already although still the same bunch of people. 

I miss Ateneo and the people I met here. I'm not afraid to go down memory lane once again. I am here once again but a different me and at a different time. I hope to revive those good memories again or maybe create new ones. I'll probably buy one last snack before I leave. That way, I can still live up to how I used to be in college-- someone who always carries food on her hand wherever she goes. I am known to be a good eater.

Courtship and women

When it comes to courtship, it is understood in our culture that men must make the first move. That is both an advantage and a disadvantage to the women.

For one, women has the discretion to choose the suitor who suits her best. On the other hand, she can choose among the men who courted her. What if she's eyeing on someone else who is not courting her?

That guy she's eyeing can be considered as torpe or maybe just not interested in the girl.

What happens then? Can the girl actually make the move or is it a sign that the guy isn't worth it?

This is the question I want to throw back to society. Is it acceptable for women to court guys in the modern setting?

First time runner

Running for the first time. A shock, isn't it? At the age of 25 and for almost 8 years living in our subdivision, it was only now did I take advantage of the wide secluded streets to actually run.

It was still dark when I woke up, 5:30 to be exact. I woke up with my running attire on. Just stirred up a cup of Milo and I was ready to go. At first it was kind of scary, I wasn't really sure if there were dogs on the loose except for that white shitzu that kept smelling things around. I actually stopped when it trotted briskly my way. But I continued on.

I approximated the distance of one lap. It is only 400 m. That means, I need to finish around 3 laps to complete 1 km. Halfway through, I was tired. 2/3 of the time I was only brisk walking. It wasn't bad for a beginner like me.

Besides from the endorphins I got from my first "initiated" run, I actually appreciated being in tune with myself early on. When everyone is still at the verge of waking up, it felt peaceful. I thanked God for the beauty of dawn. Others were still yawning, washing their car, or preparing breakfast. It was nice to see how different households were also similar to us at those times. We all had different jobs and errands for the day but there's something about waking up that is familiar to everyone. All of us had to wake up and start our day. This sounds philosophical but you can't start your day if you don't practically wake up and exist in this world.

I haven't seen grumpy people around though but others were kind of serious. That guy looked like a corporate manager or something and might have been running late. An elder was in his jogging pants starting to walk. Running past him, I actually felt bad because he might feel like he can't run as fast anymore. LOL.

It was an amazing experience really having to see everyone at this hour. I don't mingle with our neighbors so it was like seeing them for the first time in a different light.

I finished the 3 laps in 45 minutes, semi panting and with my legs itching. Can someone explain why? Calculating my speed, it's around 1.3km/hr HAHA! Turtle! I didn't go for more laps lest I get burned out and knocked out again. Plus, when the sun is out, Ja goes in. Vit D is fine but not when the sun is brightly shining.

I hope to join a fun run soon. There will definitely be a repeat of this. Since running is part of my visual map for 2012, it means I already started picture number 8 in less than a month! I'm actually surprised with how fast I start my goals. As I always say to myself, it's okay to be a late starter. There is no better time to start your goals than today. Just do it and make the first step. :)

Reviving my blog

It’s been years since I last wrote in full content in this blog. I actually don’t know what to write since I don’t have a particular field that I specialize in. I just want to express even when no one reads this. This is a safe medium since blogspot has long been idle. I’ll probably try writing but first, I must read to feed my knowledge.

I’ve been reading Mitch Albom’s For One More Day. It’s a story about a guy who practically had his life ruined and finds comfort or renewed spirit in his dead mother’s love. I actually am not finished with the book yet. But as I was reading through the pages, I can actually feel the frustration of the narrator. I don’t know why. Maybe because I just came from a personal problem. I felt like I got so detached from the world too for 5 and a half years. When the narrator details the times her mom stood up for her but he didn’t, I felt like I was the mother. After 5 and a half years, I felt like after fighting so hard, someone didn’t stand up for me. But that’s how it goes. You understand. You become patient. You forgive and you let go.

For one, I have this tendency to really stand up for people if I know they’re oppressed in any way. I stand up for my loved ones and my friends even at my expense at times. I remember in college, standing up for a friend in front of our teacher. My friend thanked me for that. Going against everyone is hard but I just can’t contain seeing people bullied or abused. In my own experience, I stood up for someone not because he is bullied I guess, but because I just loved. When you love someone, you’d do anything for hijm/her. When you love someone, you forget yourself just so the other can be happy. I think it is both a curse and a gift. Im so selfless and Im not saying this to praise myself. Sometimes I hate it. Sometimes I thank God He made me this way.

When I evaluate myself what my talents are, I usually can’t align them with the usual “talents” people have like singing, dancing or drawing. What I really think is that my talent or my gift is the huge heart God gave me. I can’t describe it though or define it in a word or phrase. But sometimes when I talk to God, I just burst into tears of joy, thanking Him how beautifully broken I was yet I had the heart to heal, be healed and accept. I never blamed God for whatever bad thing that happened to me. I just trust God that He knows best. Perfect timing. Perfect everything.

I entrust everything to God now. It’s been an early shock for 2012 but I’m getting better every day. As much as I want to try new experiences, I’m still very cautious. I’m having my early signs of coping but with disappointments still. But I ain’t giving up. I have to win over myself. Lord, let my scars turn into stars. Whatever I do, I lift everything up to You. Grant me a clear vision and an undivided heart. Let I find the right path and man for me.

Don’t worry friends, I am A-OK. J I just wanted to write but I didn’t have any topic in mind haha. This isnt meant to bash anyone. Hopefully my next entries will have more sense or of useful information.